


Rumination

by AquaWings23



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Ficlet, I have not stopped thinking about that Talks episode in 4 days, Inspired by Killing Eve (TV 2018), Liam mentioned Killing Eve Shadowgast AU and I have brainrot soooooo, M/M, spies au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26814532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AquaWings23/pseuds/AquaWings23
Summary: Rumination:(noun) a deep or considered thought about something, the action or process of thinking deeply about somethingA Killing Eve inspired ficlet! You DO NOT have to watch Killing Eve in order to read this fic.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha (Background), Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 14
Kudos: 102





	Rumination

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my Killing Eve-inspired ficlet, based around Liam's WONDERFUL ranting at the end of the newest Talks Machina episode. This fic can be read WITHOUT watching Killing Eve, but I do heavily recommend it, as the show is incredible and there are dynamics I have written that relate to some of the characters. I sincerely hope you enjoy!

Widogast was late. _Again._

Essek sighed in irritation, skimming his eyes over the trashy magazine that he had brought with him as cover. This was the fourth time this month that the Empire agent had refused to show up on time, and Essek was getting tired. He still had hours of paperwork to complete once he returned to the Lucid Bastion, and the Bright Queen had said that she wanted those reports in her hands by the end of the day. How was he going to-

“I never took you as a gossip column reader.”

Essek lifted his eyes from the page to glance at the man in front of him. 

Caleb Widogast, Essek’s liaison and one of the top operatives in the Dwendalian Empire. He was one of the most cunning people Essek had ever met, and his reputation was well known throughout both the Empire and the Dynasty. There were rumors that he headed the government espionage of the Empire, and Essek was not surprised. It certainly was a shame that he wasn’t more punctual. 

Essek closed his magazine and gestured to the seat across from him, gathering his pen and paper in front of him.. “Come, sit. We have much to discuss, Widogast.”

“We have known each other for long enough at this point, Essek. It’s Caleb, you know that.” The redhead took his seat and called over a waiter, ordering himself a drink. The small café was a frequent spot for the two of them: busy enough to not draw unwanted attention, but quaint and homely. Essek was quite fond of their scones. 

“You are entirely unprofessional.”

“You love it.”

Essek shook his head. “That is not the point. You know what we are here to discuss: That deranged researcher of yours, Ms. Lionett.”

Caleb chuckled, taking a sip of his coffee. “Ahhh, yes, _Beauregard_. Such a fascinating mind, don’t you think? Shame that she’s not fully aligned with the Empire. She certainly is a useful asset.”

“If by useful, you mean _irritating._ Our Orphanmaker has disappeared. Her last assignment was tracking down Ms. Lionett, but it seems as though she has gone off the map.” 

“Interesting. It seemed as though Beauregard was looking for Ms. Nydoorin as well. I haven’t heard from her since we parted ways in Nicodranas. Perhaps they found each other. Or ran off together.”

“It...certainly is a possibility.” Essek rubbed at his eyes, sighing. This is _just_ what he needed today. One of his top assassins going rogue for some…. _librarian._ He steepled his fingers in concentration and tried to will away the beginnings of a migraine before picking up his pen and jotting down some notes. 

“...Why didn’t we ever do that?” Caleb’s voice broke through the silence, soft and careful, as though the air around him might shatter at the sound. 

Essek glanced up to look at the man in front of him. He quirked an eyebrow in confusion. “Do what, exactly?”

“Leave? Just… grab a passport. Change our names. Run away together. What was stopping us back then?”

Essek paused his writing, frowning slightly. He opened his mouth to respond, but the only things that came to his mind were excuses and lies: _we were young, we had a duty towards our countries, it didn’t mean anything._ If their past meant as much to Caleb as it did to him, then he knew it meant _everything_. He simply sighed, setting down his pen to reach across the table and take Caleb’s hand in his own. 

“There is no use dwelling on the past. You and I both know it was too great of a risk to chance.” He took a moment to simply gaze into Caleb’s eyes, letting himself reminisce. 

“Besides, you would’ve gotten tired of me eventually.” He chuckled self-consciously, pulling his hand away. Caleb latched onto it, forcing Essek to look at him again. 

“You know that isn’t true, Essek.” 

Essek smiled softly, feeling a wave of regret settle over him. “Do you ever…think about it? About us?” 

Caleb ran a thumb over the back of Essek’s hand, then gently grabbed it to flip it so that the palm faced upwards. He began to trace lines on the soft purple skin, following the dips of his palm. 

“I think about it more often than I would like to admit. But as you said, it’s not good to dwell on the past.” His voice was soft, as though the admission itself was difficult to speak aloud. He raised his eyes to match Essek’s, pale blue meeting striking silver. 

Essek nodded, pulling his hand away from Caleb’s. The redhead’s hand rested gently on the table, unmoving. Essek stood and gathered his briefcase, his hands trembling slightly. He turned towards Caleb again, his mask replaced, calm and collected. 

“You should read the gossip column more yourself, Agent. We will be seeing each other again soon.” 

And with that, he exited the small café, leaving the other spymaster alone with his thoughts. 

Caleb sat there for what felt like ages, letting the conversation sink into his brain. Eventually, his coffee grew cold and his mind grew tired. He stood to leave, fingers brushing against the magazine that Essek had left behind. He paused, then reached for it and flipped to the gossip section. 

A small piece of paper fluttered to the floor, and Caleb swore he felt his heart skip a beat. He reached down to pick it up, turning the small square so that he could read the note written on it.

_Caleb,_

_I said that we should not dwell on the past, but we never made any comments about the future. I heard that Marquet is quite lovely in the summertime._

_Tomorrow, 11:00 pm, the Cobalt Soul Archives. I’ll be waiting._


End file.
